To say the least, the big move is due to several factors that happened all at once. I was in Delaware for my job. I was feeling incredibly lonely. My boyfriend (Keith) and I had broken up just before I got my job due to location (him in LA and me in DE). My job was incredibly hard. Teaching private middle school turned out to be much more difficult than I had thought. I was beating myself up over it and feeling terrible. I was beginning the career I wanted, but I was at a complete loss. I didn't have any joy. If there's anything I've believed in, it is to be happy. What the hell was I doing in Delaware without friends, family, and with a job that was literally making me feel ill?
Keith came back east for Thanksgiving, and we saw each other twice. Both visits were difficult, as it was clear that there was still a lot of love between us; nothing had changed except our locations, which made it difficult to be together. We had a night where we spent the entire time talking. We talked about why we didn't ask each other if I could come to California. We talked about how we missed each other and how nothing between us changed. How we tried to move on to someone else and they fell short. There was a spark in the air and anything could have happened. If he asked me then and there to move out with him, I would have said yes. But he didn't.
Shortly after he went back to California, he sent me a letter. A romantic gesture, surely. But he told me that he was sending me a letter, but would not specify at all what it contained. This left me crazy. I waited for an entire week for this letter, all the while making lesson plans, keeping my students organized, and teaching them about racial inequality in the south in the book Roll of Thunder, Hear My Cry, as well as how to write a paper. Friday came, and I got his letter. I cried. He was asking me if I would consider moving to California to be with him. It was exactly what I wanted, but I still wasn't sure of how to respond. How could I leave the East Coast? What about my family? Friends? How could I leave a job, especially one in the economic climate? Especially for LA, which loves to hand out pink slips to teachers.
I was elated and incredibly confused at the same time.
For now, I will leave you there. I'm going to go and enjoy the pleasures of the backyard on a sunny day.